


Those Two Things Don't Apply

by milesofworry



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Ooops, i guess all i can write is sad things, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-04-22 15:56:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4841522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milesofworry/pseuds/milesofworry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two things. That is what Kuroo Tetsurou told him, two specific things made him fall in love with someone. And Tsukishima Kei knew he had neither of those things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kuroo had told him that there were two things that made him fall in love.

And Kei had listened to him as he talked, more like gushed, about how he might of been in love. How there might be someone for him when the training week ended.

Tsukishima didn't understand that the crushing weight that he started to feel was jealousy, jealousy for someone that might start dating Kuroo.

“I mean volleyball is great, but I’m not about to date a ball for a month,” Kuroo said, laughing. “She’s so nice, and pretty. She told me that she’s been to most of our games, even the ones that we lose.”

Kei nodded as he kept describing this mystery girl. He could feel himself begin to get irritated, but Kuroo didn't notice, too caught up in what he was talking about.

“I want your opinion of her,” Kuroo whispered. He was looking down, his ears red. Kei found himself nodding already. “You don't have to. I was going to ask Kenma, but I know what he would say and Bokuto would be all about her without knowing what she looks like. You’re the only one who would tell me the honest truth about her.”   
“You don't have to say all of that, you idiot. I already said that I would,” he said. And the way that Kuroo’s face lit up made his heart skip a beat.

\----

He had told him that there were two things that made him fall in love.

And Kei knew that he didn't have either of those two qualities that the older boy was looking for.

“Kuroo’s asking for you,” Yamaguchi said, holding out his phone to the taller male. Tsukishima sighed, feeling a brief pain and the drop of his stomach, and shook his head.

“Tell him I’m too busy to talk,” he said instead, standing and walking away from his best friend, who nodded, and relayed the message back.

“He’s never busy,” Kuroo said back.

\---

Those two things kept him awake at night.

“I don't even like him,” he said out loud. Yamaguchi nodded his head, sitting at the foot of Kei’’s bed. “I mean, who would like an idiot like him? Not me.”

“I didn't say anything, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi replied, trying to hide the smile that was begging to cross his face. “You were the one who brought him up.”

Tsukishima glared at him and shook his head, thinking about all the things that had happened recently since the week of training ended.

“He asked me to meet a girl for him,” he whispered. “He wants to know what I think of her so he makes the right decision.”

“You don't want to?” Yamaguchi asked even as pain flashed across of his friend’s face. Tsukishima nodded, slowly, but nodded all the same.

“I don't want to meet the girl who’s going to be able to hold his hand, or go on dates with him, or do anything with him,” he said, running his hands through his hair. It was the first time he had ever spoken these words out loud, and he didn’t want to hear himself say all of this.

It proved that he actually had feelings for the older student.

“Are you going to tell him that?”

“Do you think I’m going to?”

\----

Kuroo sighed as he looked at the high school that he had only ever visited to have matches against Karasuno, or to hang out with his favorite blonde blocker. But right now, this day was different.

He came here for answers, wanting answers for the vague texts that he had received from his friend, the missed calls that he knew weren’t accidental. He had tried to get Yamaguchi to tell him what had happened, but the other first year wouldn’t tell him.

So he made the decision to make the two hour trip over to Miyagi to see Tsukishima and get him to talk.

He knew that Tsukki was still in practice with everyone, but he didn't know if he would be avoided if he texted him telling him that he was here to see the blonde. So he did not. He didn't do anything to let anyone know that he was here, waiting, trying to hold himself together.

_What if he didn't even come to school today?_

_What if Tsukki tells me that he doesn't want to be friends anymore, for whatever reason?_

_What happened to make everything like this?_

_Was it me?_

Kuroo took in a deep breath, trying to become relaxed, to not let those anxious thoughts shake him.

He looked up, and his eyes met those honey colored ones that he knew so goddamn well, those eyes that made him re-think everything about himself, made him question what he actually felt for the other, and his mouth was open even before he could stop it.

“Tsukki!” Kuroo yelled, his hand in the air, waving, and Tsukishima just stood there, his eyes wide, his jaw clenched and his hands curled into fists.

_And oh god oh god he has bags under his eyes, and his hair is such a mess, it's almost like his own black hair, and the way that Yamaguchi and Hinata and Kageyama and the rest of the team, they’re all around the blocker who looks so sick, so sick and tired and it's his own fault. It’s because of the damn feelings that he keeps trying to shove away._

He took a step back, he felt his stomach drop as those eyes meet his, and he watched as they widen, and then look away. Kuroo sees Yamaguchi say something to the blocker, who shook his head.

\----

It had to happen today, he came here to drag him away to meet that girl of his that he would have to lie about because he wants Kuroo to be **happy** even if it meant stomping on his own heart.

Tsukishima had seen him when he had left the locker room, the mess of hair was the thing that identified him, but god he was too tired to try and get around him. Yamaguchi had seen him stop and try to collect his breath, and asked him what was wrong.

“He’s here,” was all that he said, and it was like the whole team knew what was wrong with him even if he hadn’t let it interfere practice, and they surrounded him. He had half the mind to roll his eyes as he watched Nishinoya climb onto Asahi's back, to make fun of the way Hinata was copying the way Tanaka was standing.

But it was like the sight of Kuroo stole all of his energy.

“Tsukki,” Kuroo yelled, a smile on his face his hand waving at him and the team. , and he felt his body go tense, felt his hands curl into fists, and his stomach tighten with the anxiety that had been there since Kuroo told him about the girl, the girl that he had to meet.

“You don't have to go,” Yamaguchi whispered to him. “You can just stay here. There isn't anything wrong with not going with him.”

“I have to, I need to,” he said as he shook his head. “I need to get him out of my system, and if, if this is the way then I’ll- I’ll do it.”

He looked at Yamaguchi, who nodded, but could barely keep a smile on his face.

“We’ll be here when you get back,” Sugawara said.

“Please don't stay at school all night,” Tsukishima said. Everyone laughed. “Please don’t worry about me though, I’ll be fine.”

\----

Kuroo remembered the night that he had told Tsukishima the two things that made him fall in love.

**And those two things both described Tsukishima Kei.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings and other things are missed.

The train ride was spent in silence, and not a comfortable silence either. They sat next to each other, Tsukishima refusing to look at him, and Kurro refused to say a word to him.

It was the most awkward, uncomfortable ride that they had even had since the start of their friendship. Even when they had barely known each other, the silences had not been this stifling.

Kei wanted to know why Kuroo was dragging him to Tokyo, why he didn't make sure he was free today. (He was free, to be honest, but still.)

Kuroo wanted to know why Kei wasn't talking to him anymore, why he was ignoring him, when he was sure that he had buried all of the feelings

“What’s her name,” Kei finally said, swallowing his pain that wanted to escape in those words.

Kuroo looked at him in surprise, his mind slowly understanding what Tsukishima said.

“Whose name?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Tsukishima rolled his eyes and sighed.

“That girl you want me to meet, don't tell me you already moved on from her to someone else.”

_I realize my mistake and that is telling you about her._

“You think I brought you with me to meet her today?” Kuroo could feel a smirk start to make its way across his face. He didn’t want things to be like this, he wanted everything to go back to the way that it was, where everything was easier and their conversations weren’t as weighted.

“Why else would you drag me to Tokyo after school, when I have school tomorrow and you do too?”

“I wanted to know what was wrong,” Kuroo murmured. “You stopped talking to me, and you started avoiding me.” He heard a laugh come from the tall blonde.

“Just tell me her name, and let me meet her. I want to go home,” Kei said, his hands covering his face, hiding the pain that he was letting through.

“Kei-”

“No, no. You don't get to do that, you don't get to say my name like that Kuroo,” he hears the other boy suck in a breath, but doesn't look up but god does he want to. “I don't want you to ever say my name like that after I meet her, I don't want to talk to you after I meet her, I don't want you to try and contact me through Yamaguchi, I don't want to see you again after this.”

\---

The girl is pretty.

Pretty in the way that Tsukishima imagined her to be, and they look good together, despite Kuroo’s slumped shoulders and forced smile. He’s taller than her, but that’s expected since Tsukishima himself is barely taller than the third year.

But they look good together all in all. He finds out that she actually went to all of Nekoma’s games to support Kurro, she was near the top of her class, and couldn't seem to keep her eyes off of Kuroo.

**Tsukishima wished that he could look at him the same way.**

“She seems nice,” he said later, waiting for the train that would take him back to Miyagi to arrive. Kuroo nodded, his hands in his pockets, his eyes never looking at Tsukishima. “I think she fits you. You seem to like her enough, and she seems to like you enough. She’s a good person, honest, kind, pretty. Everything that you want in a girlfriend.”

Those words were bitter in his mouth as he said them out loud. He felt his heart shrink, his stomach become tight with the pain that he was feeling again.

“Do you remember what I told you that one night after practice?” Kuroo asked quietly. Those were his first words since they had left to catch the train. He still wasn't looking at Tsukishima, but if he had looked up at that moment, he would of seen in his eyes that he did remember, he did and he wished that he had never learned what those two things were.

“I don't, not at all,” Tsukishima lied, his heart tearing itself up more and more than it already was. “I barely remember anything from that night in the first place, since we talked in the middle of the night after a long day of practice matches.”

\---

Everyone was waiting for him at the train station.

And god was he happy that Kuroo hadn’t come back with him like he used to.

Because as soon as he saw his teammates, his teammates that he knew were his friends, and cared about him just like he cared about all of them, he burst into tears.

“I-I just have something in my eyes, shut up Hinata,” Tsukishima said

Yamaguchi held him until he was calm enough  and then took him home, the team saying goodbyes and goodnights, and patting Tsukishima on the shoulder as they left.

“It’ll get better,” Sugawara said as he passed. Tsukishima looked at his upperclassman and saw that he was looking at the captain, whose back was turned towards them. “I know that it will. Love isn't always pain and suffering, or heartbreak. It’s something that everyone experiences in different forms, and when you find that person, you’ll know. You’ll know Tsukishima.”

\---

Kuroo watched the train pull out of the station, Tsukishima's words still ringing in his ears.

_“She’s everything you would want in a girlfriend.”_

_“I barely remember that night.”_

_“I don't want to see you again after this.”_

“I was going to tell you, Tsukki,” he said, the words hard to get out. “I was going to tell you that you’re all i need for the rest of my life.”

He remembered how Tsukishima had laughed that first time, when they had gotten to know each other, when it was more than just two teams on opposing sides.

Kuroo wished it could be like that.

But it was too late.

Because he had thought that it would be better to get over the blonde with someone else, because he had thought that those feelings would go away in an instant.

Because he knew he made a mistake telling Tsukishima those two things that made him fall in love.

Because he had seen how Kei’s eyes had lost all of their usual glow after he had told him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and no, things arent going to get easier from here. Maybe.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month passes, and he's supposed to be over him.

They didn't talk to each other for a month.

It was enough time for Tsukishima to forget the pain that he felt in his chest every time he saw something red flash by, enough time for him to forget that mess of hair that he wanted to run his hands through as he kissed him.

It was enough for him.

Yamaguchi didn’t think it was though.

“The match is tomorrow, and Suga said that if you want to skip it's fine since it's just a practice match,” Yamaguchi rambled, Tsukishima sitting on his floor going over his notes, “so we won’t need you really. I mean, we want to win the battle of the Trash Heap again, and Hinata keeps saying that it's the right kind of revenge on Kuroo for making you cr-”

“I don’t know why you don't think I’m not going to play with you guys,” Tsukishima interrupted. “I never said that I didn't want to play.”

“B-but Kuroo’s going to be there,” Yamaguchi whispered, his eyes wide. Tsukishima just shrugged.

“It’s not like he’s going to talk to me. He’s in love with someone else, remember?”

\---

“I love him.”

It had only taken a month for Kuroo to tell Kenma why he was in such a funk.

It had only been a month and his best friend had noticed immediately what was wrong with him, his hair had become even wilder because of his hands running through it every night, his smiles seemed more and more forced, and he had bags under his eyes that had never been there before, not even when the whole team had to practice early or late.

He had never looked as stressed as he did right now.

“Who?” Kenma asked, his eyes lifting away from his screen.

“You know who,” Kuroo answers. “The whole team knows. Everyone knows. Except for him.” That last bit was hard to say. It chokes him as he says it, it settles in his chest and it’s so heavy.

“You're dating that girl though,” Kenma says, Kenma who notices everything, especially the girl who’s always at their matches, always near Kuroo. “I thought you said that you liked her.”

Kuroo doesn't answer the question that Kenma didn't say out loud.

_I thought you said that she was the one?_

“I made a mistake,” Kuroo whispered. “I thought that dating her would get rid of the feelings I have, but it just. It won't stop hurting Kenma. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell him.”

“Tell him the truth. Tell him what you really think of him. Tell him about your stupid plan, and everything,” Kenma said. “And you might want to do it soon. Shouyou said that he hasn't been the same for a few months.”

“I know, I know and it's my fault,” Kuroo said, his head down. “I told him something that I shouldn't of. ”

\---

_I didn’t even get to tell him how I feel. You're an idiot Tsukishima Kei. You didn’t tell him and now he’s happy with someone else, and she gets all of his attention._

Kei laid awake in bed that night, the night after Yamaguchi had tried to talk him out of skipping the practice match. The pain that he thought had finally went away, the one that kept him awake, after he decided to have nothing to do with Kurro Tetsuro ever again, showed up again.

It showed up in the form of his phone being unlocked and Kurro’s icon pressed on, scrolling through their messages from the month before. It showed up in the form of tears running down Tsukishima’s face as he thought about how many afternoons he had spent with the captain, and how hard he had worked with Kuroo to get better at the sport that his brother loved.

The month, in all reality, had been spent avoiding every thought that he had, every memory that he had, of Kuroo Tetsuro.

And the match that they were going to have the next day was bringing everything to the surface, everything that had a bit of Kuroo was floating to the top of his mind, and that was all that he thought about.

\----

Kei sat outside of the gym, the sun still not in the sky. He had gotten to the school early, even before the freak duo, whom, every time there was a match, arrived early to have a short practice together.

He hadn't gotten any sleep the night before, Yamaguchi’s words still echoing in his ears. Staying at home had been tempting, his mother told him he didn't have to go in either.

But he had told everyone that he was going to be at the match anyways, that he had gotten over Kuroo in the month.

So here he was, waiting for everyone to show up, waiting for Kuroo to show up, with that girl by his side

_and his eyes are never going to look away from her, and she would congratulate him on winning the match even if it was just a practice one and he would have that stupid smirk on his face as he hugs her and-_

“Fuck,” Kei sighed. “I have to stop doing this to myself.”

“You know, students who are about to be playing today shouldn’t be here this early,” Kageyama called out. Kei rolled his eyes and stood up.

“It’s funny that you say that and you get here this early all the same,” Tsukishima said as Kageyama unlocked the doors to the gym. “You even have a set of keys that only the third years are allowed to have.”

“I only get these on the mornings when we have matches because Daichi got tired of having to wake up early to let us in.”

“You realize that there is nothing I can say to make fun of you now that you said that, right?” Kageyama shrugged his shoulders.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You just did King.”

“Shut the fuck up, I’m trying to be serious,” Kageyama growled. Kei sighed.

“Okay, what’s your question then?” Tsukishima said.

“How did you know you were in love with him?”

Tsukishima looked at him, his eyes wide, and his face more red than it had been in days.

“I- I didn’t know. It was just,” he waves his hands in the air, more thrown off than ever, “just a gut feeling is all. Like, when I looked at him, and when he smiled, I hated everything that was Kuroo Tetsuro because I knew I was in love with him.”

\----

“I hope you heard all of that,” Hinata said, his phone in his hand as he walked away from the gym doors.

“Kuroo needs to know all of that,” Kenma said. “I talked to him about it today, but he thinks that Kei doesn't love him, or at least stopped loving him.”

“It is kind of Kuroo’s fault,” Hinata argued. “He made Tsukishima meet that girl, and then something happened at the training camp. Did he tell you?”

He heard Kenma sigh on the other end.

“No, but he knows that whatever he said, affected Tsukishima, and caused all of this,” Kenma said, his voice quiet. “Listen, I’m almost at the school and we’re leaving immediately. I’ll talk to you more about this when I get there.”

And with that he hung up.

\----

When the Nekoma bus pulls up, Tsukishima feels like his heart is going to beat out of his chest, and his lungs can’t become properly filled with air.

The excitement to see Kuroo again still hasn’t faded.

Kageyama stands near him, arguing with Hinata over something, again, and Tsukishima is glad to have them bickering as background.

They stop fighting when the doors open, and their rivals step off of the bus.

 _I shouldn't of stayed_ , Kei thinks when he sees that mess of black hair again. _I should've just stayed home._  

_**I still love him.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took the longest.


	4. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two things are finally explained.

_That night everyone was asleep in their own rooms, teams all together on separate futons. The day had been filled with the sounds of volleyball, balls being hit, teams encouraging each other during games, people panting yelling at each other as the games went on. The confidences, and experience, rose as the day wore on._

_Exhaustion hit everyone when the clock struck six in the afternoon, and the captains decided to end the day. Dinner had been a battlefield, if you were late to get there, you were going to be in line for quite a while._

_Lights out was literally lights out. Everyone immediately fell asleep, the energy from earlier in the day gone._

_Kei hadn’t been able to sleep. He had laid his futon down next to Yamaguchi’s and listened to his best friend fall asleep. He didn’t turn his phone on, the thought of the bright screen waking everyone in the room made him feel like he would actually be a prick._

_So, instead of doing that, he waited for the rest of the team to fall asleep, and got up and left the room._

_He had known that the night was going to be clear, Akiteru had talked to him about stargazing on the week that he was away._

_Tsukishima had thought that it was a stupid, but dumb, idea. But he couldn't help but think that since they weren’t close to a big city, and most of the lights were closer towards the middle of the town and the houses, he would be able to see constellations that he wouldn’t be able to see in awhile._

_Kuroo had been standing on the porch outside of the building that the teams were staying in when Tsukishima came out. He turned around, his black hair melting in the night sky._

_“Couldn’t sleep?” Kuroo asked, a smirk crossing his face. Tsukishima nodded. “Then you came to the right place. Come sit with me Tsukki.”_

_The way that Kuroo smiled at him, the smirk gone and Kuroo’s real smile showing, made him move before his head could protest._

_His heart was thudding in his chest as he got closer to the older boy, and he sent up a prayer thanking whatever was up there that it was dark and Kuroo probably couldn't see his red face properly._

_“So Tsukki, I noticed that you’re really getting into volleyball now,” Kurro said. “And that your blocking has been improving since you trained with me and Bokuto.”_

_Tsukishima shrugged, nodding._

_“You're probably right,” he said. “I learned a lot from you guys.”_

_“Oh ho,” Kuroo said, surprised, a smirk crossing his face._

_“Shut Up, you know how long I’ve been practicing, of course I’m going to get better,” Tsukishima spat, Kuroo laughing._

_“Right, right,” he said, and both were silent for a moment, the night sounds the only things heard for a moment._

_“Hey, Tsukki, do you have someone you like?” Kuroo whispered, his face turned towards the sky._

_Tsukishima stiffened, his heart beating faster than it had been, his stomach tightening and he felt like he couldn’t breathe._

_“Why?” he asked, his words shaky. Kuroo still didn't look at him._

_“Because I think I’ve found someone,” Kuroo said. “And god, they fit exactly what I want in someone.”_

_Tsukishima felt hope rise in him._

_“What do you mean?” he said, kicking the post. “I mean, who is it?”_

_Kuroo chuckled and looked down, running his hands in his hair._

_“There are two things that make me fall in love,” Kuroo whispered. “You have to be kind, be so kind and loving that I would always feel loved even during an argument. And you have to make my heart skip a beat even after we’ve been together for years, your eyes always on me.”_

_Tsukishima could feel himself start to shake, and he felt like gasping for air and running away so he didn't have to look at Kuroo for the rest of the week._

_Kuroo laughed and looked up at the stars._

_“That’s just me being the hopeless romantic I guess,” Kuroo said. “Tsukii?”_

“Hey, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said, nudging the taller boy as they stood in front of the gym. “Tsukki, we gotta go in.”

“I don’t think I can do this,” he whispered, Kageyama and Hinata turning around to face him. The rest of the team walked around the first years when Daichi called them.

“What do you mean?” Kageyama said, his voice containing anger. “You said that this wouldn’t effect the match today? You said that you were past him. You said that you stopped feeling for him when you stopped talking to him.”

Hinata stepped back when the two got closer, anger in both of their eyes.

“You,” Kageyama said, poking his finger against Tsukishima’s chest, hard, “said that he didn’t even love you in the first place. So why are you still hung up on him?”

“Fuck, you can’t just expect me to get over him when I’ve been in love with him since i first laid my eyes one him, and when he first talked to me,” Tsukishima yelled. “I can’t get over him, I can’t get his face out of my head, I can’t get him out of my veins. I can’t look him in the eyes, because I’m so tired of feeling this way.”

“Why didn’t you tell him that then?” Kageyama yelled back, his hands balled in tight fists. “You had plenty of chances.”

Tsukishima looked down, glaring at the ground like it had offended him.

“Because,” he managed to choke out, his throat suddenly becoming tight. “Because I’m none of the things that he would of loved.”

“You are everything that I love, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima lifted his head to see Kuroo Tetsuro standing right in front of him, his eyes filled with tears, and a smile that looked so hard to keep on his face.

_“Tsukki?”_

_“Ah sorry, I just, I need to go back,” the younger man said before turning around and walking -walking fast Kuroo noted- back into the building, not looking back at him._

_When the door slammed shut, Kurro curled in on himself, his arms wrapping around his stomach and his forehead resting on his knees._

_He could feel tears start to form in his eyes, and a sob slowly make its way up this throat._

_In the hallway, near the room that his team was sleeping in, Tsukishima was in the same positon._

_**  
“I love you though,” they both whispered before they began to cry over a love that was their first, and lost.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end to this story and I don't know what I'm going to do when I finish it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything hurts when trying to mend things.

Kuroo looked at the blonde, and felt his heart drop to his stomach. Tsukishima’s face was red, redder than he had seen it before, and his golden eyes were hard but no longer looked guarded any like they had been when they last talked a month ago. 

Yamaguchi, Hinata and Kageyama all stared at him, Yamaguchi’s mouth open wide, Kageyama’s signature scowl on his face, Hinata his face filled with worry, and some excitement, because he hadn’t seen the whole Nekoma team since the training camp. 

But Kuroo barely looked at those three, because he could only see Tsukishima. His eyes were only trained on that golden head of hair, and those golden eyes that he had dreamt about for months now. He could feel his heartbeat in his chest, loud enough to fill the silence that had just appeared. He opened his mouth. 

“I’m in-” 

“I told you not to talk to me anymore,” Kei said, his tone sharp, and lacking hesitation. “You aren't in love with me. You’ve never been in love with me. You have someone and I don’t care about this anymore.” 

Even Kuroo could see the way that Tsukishima’s shoulders were shaking as he walked sluggishly towards the gym doors. 

“Yes you do,” Kuroo yelled. “I know you do. Because if you didn’t care, you would've said all of that to my face.” 

Kei stopped and turned back towards him, the other three still standing there, their eyes wide. 

“I don’t care. And I don’t want to talk to you about this. Especially right before a game, and when  _ she’s  _ here,” Tsukishima growled, grabbed Yamaguchi, and went inside of the gym, not pausing to look back at Kuroo, not waiting on Hinata and Kageyama, not letting his heart calm down and his eyes to hold back the tears that he felt coming out of his eyes. 

“Wait a second,” Hinata said when Kuroo started to follow the blonde. “You brought your girlfriend? When you were going to tell Tsukishima the truth about this whole thing?” 

Kageyama was shaking his head as Kuroo stood there shaking his head. 

“I didn’t invite her, I haven't even seen her today,” Kuroo sputtered.

“Hold on,” Kageyama said, breaking his silence. “You’re still dating that girl in the first place? I thought today was about fixing things with Tsukishima, not making them slightly worse by staying with her when you confess to him.” 

Without waiting for a response, Kageyama shook his head one last time and walked  into the gym. Kuroo watched him walk away and turned towards Hinata. 

“What do I do?”

“You make things right.” 

\----

Pain. That's what he thought of when he saw that stupid grin and that stupid hair. Pain. That’s what he felt when he heard that stupid voice try to confess to him. It started in his chest, and went to his hands, then traveled to his head. His eyes were tired and dry already and the match hadn’t even started. 

His ears were ringing and his legs felt like they wouldn't be able to support him. 

They still had an hour before the match even started. 

Sugawara had already come over to him to check on him. 

“You don’t look so hot, Tsukishima. Maybe you should sit this game out,” he had said. But that wasn't what Tsukishima wanted to hear. 

“I’ll be fine to play in a few minutes. I’m sorry for worrying everyone,” Tsukishima replied. 

Sugawara nodded and walked away, though he kept shooting glances over at the blonde, his eyes full of concern.

Putting his hands in his head, Tsukishima tried to block every feeling that Tetsuro Kuroo had made him have, every fast heartbeat, every ounce of excitement, every piece of pain that he held in his heart because of him, he tried to block all of them so he could just focus on this game. 

He would win this game. Not only would he win this game, but he would also win back his heart that Tetsuro had unknowingly stolen when they had grown closer. 

Because then he would be able to have thoughts that didn’t go to Kuroo anymore, and he wouldn’t have to deal with the heartache that he had come to know as well as breathing. 

When he looked up, he saw that tall figure that he had fallen in love with walk into the gym, his shoulders slouched, his head hung. He watched as Kenma walked up to his captain and talked to him, possibly to motivate him, possibly to tell him to get over Tsukishima. 

He didn’t want to know. 

He didn’t want anything more to do with Kuroo. 

\----

“I broke up with her.” 

Kenma looked at him with suspicious eyes but didn’t say anything. 

“I broke up with her, and now I’m losing Tsukki and-”

“There’s no way you can lose something that wasn't yours in the first place,” a calm voice said behind the two. Kuroo turned to see the gray haired vice captain. “You never fought for him, did you?” 

Kuroo felt like yelling at the other third year. 

“I never had the chance to fight for him,” he answered. “I didn’t even get the chance to tell him that I love him.”

“Then do that,”  a deeper voice said. Sugawara turned around to see Daichi, who was avoiding all eye contact with his vice captain. “Fight for him, tell him everything that you need to tell him today. Don’t leave anything unspoken, and don't do it half-assed. You have to tell him over and over because he’s the kind of person who won’t listen to you if you don't shout it.” Kuroo opened his mouth to reply but Daichi cut him off. “If you don’t do this, you’ll regret it all if you don’t tell him, Kuroo. I know you will. Because I know I did.” It was then that he looked at Sugawara, who in turn looked away, his cheeks slightly rosey. 

Kuroo nodded. He felt his heart start to beat faster again, the same adrenaline that went through his veins when he played a game. He could feel Kenma’s eyes looking at him, a small smile on his face as Kuroo turned to him, determination written on his face. 

“Where’s Tsukki?”

\----

Yamaguchi had never seen Tsukki look so heartbroken before. Not when the team had lost the game against Aoba Johsai, not when he had to tell his brother that he had become a regular on a volleyball team unlike him, not when he had lost the gift that he said “was going to be for you Yamaguchi.” 

He had never seen him look like this until now. 

Because he knew that this kind of pain was a different one from the ones that he had felt before.

He didn’t try to talk to his best friend about this, not right before a game, not right before a game, not when he knew that Tsukki needed, wanted, to be alone so he could get his focus back for the game. 

So that he could stop thinking about the person who was causing all of his heartache. 

“Yamaguchi, do you think you could go get Tsukishima for me?” Sugawara asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. 

“Ah, um what do you need him for?” Yamaguchi asked, eyes darting over to where his tall friend was. Sugawara smiled at him comfortingly. 

“I need him to come with me so I can talk with him about something.”

“Kuroo’s going to try again isn't he,” Yamaguchi said, less of a question, more of a statement. Suga opened his mouth to reply, but Yamaguchi cut him off. “I don’t want to see Tsukki in pain anymore. He’s never looked like this, he’s never been this out of it. And it’s all Kuroo’s fault. And Tsukki’s too, because he refuses to believe he’s good enough for someone.” 

Suga doesn't say anything, just listens to the first year. 

“I don’t want him to be like this anymore,” Yamaguchi whispered. “I don't want him to be in this kind of pain anymore.”

And with that the pinch server walked away to get his best friend. 

\----

He knew that Sugawara had sent Yamaguchi to get him. 

He could feel Kuroo’s eyes on him as he stood on shaky legs. 

He could feel how much faster his heart was beating than it was five minutes ago, how it was much different than how fast it would normally pick up the pace during the game. 

No this was much different, god this was something else that he never thought that he would experience when he had been growing into the boy that he was. 

Because now he could see Kuroo’s eyes, and he could see that the other boy had more determination in his eyes than he did when he first arrived. 

He took a deep breath, his heart yelling at him, telling him that it was right this time, that it would be okay and he could trust his feelings. 

He let the breath out, his head shouting at him, screaming that Kuroo would just hurt him if he went to him, if he actually accepted the feelings that were there in Kuroo’s eyes. 

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi whispered, his head bowed down. Tsukishima tore his gaze away from the third year to look at his best friend. 

“Yeah?” he whispered back. Yamaguchi looked up, his eyes shining with tears. 

“You should trust your heart for once,” he said. “I know that it's hard, but god Tsukki, do you really want to suffer anymore? I know I don't want to. So when you talk to him, and you have to actually talk to him, Tsukki, not shut him down. When you talk to him, I want you to tell the truth. I want you to tell him the truth about everything.”

\----

Kuroo watched Tsukishima walk towards him on those long legs that he hadn't been able to take his eyes off when he had first met him, and those golden eyes that had caused him to fall for him. 

He took a deep breath in through his nose, and let it out through his mouth. 

All of his normal calming habits weren’t going to work, not in this situation. 

Not when Kuroo knew that this was his one chance to get Tsukishima to listen to him. 

He heard in the background the rest of the team begin to warm up, his coach telling everyone to focus on the game. 

But Tsukishima didn’t stop walking towards him. 

_ Fight for him.  _

He felt himself straighten, his shoulders losing all of the tension that had been there. His stomach held each and every drop of nervousness that he had never thought  he could have since his first games. 

Kuroo’s heart didn’t stop beating as fast as it could as the first year who had managed to capture his heart stopped right in front of him. 

\----

**“We need to talk.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck so bad and I'm so sorry that this wasn't posted last month since it wasn't good. This is litereally the second to last chapter I promise.


	6. It all comes to an end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tetsuro still didn’t answer, and Tsukishima could feel his heart shrink, could feel his lungs become tight, and his headache to press persistently at his temple. The tears that he had been fighting for so long were finally let loose, and he felt relieved.

“I’m sorry,” was the first thing that Kuroo said. Tsukishima didn’t look at him, didn’t want to look at those sad eyes that he knew Kuroo was showing, didn’t want to let the other know that he was close to crying. 

“For what?” Tsukishima asked. “For telling me that you were finally in love with someone? For showing me what kind of person you like, for showing me that I’ll never actually be those things that make you fall in love with someone?”

Kuroo didn't answer, but Kei still didn’t look up. 

“Why are you sorry? Please. Do you want to know something? I'm sorry. I’m sorry for actually falling in love with you, for almost getting enough courage to tell you, and then learning that you already had someone you wanted. I'm sorry that I couldn't be friends with you at the same time as being in love with you.” 

Tsukishima took in a breath, but still didn’t get a reply back from Kuroo. 

_ Tell him the truth, Tsukki.  _

“Kuroo, I,” Tsukishima took in a deep breath, calming all of the thoughts that were running rampant in his head.  “I fell in love with when you brought out the motivation you knew I have. I fell in love when you took the time out of your day to talk to me, to try to get to know me. I fucking fell in love with that shitty smile and that stupid hair.  
He felt like he was in a match, that everything that he was saying was taking all of the energy that he had inside of him, just like a match would. 

“And I’m sorry for that,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I fell in love with you in that way.”

Tetsuro still didn’t answer, and Tsukishima could feel his heart shrink, could feel his lungs become tight, and his headache to press persistently at his temple. The tears that he had been fighting for so long were finally let loose, and he felt relieved. 

Relieved because he had told the truth, that he was in love with Tetsuro Kuroo, and that he was sorry that he had fallen in love with him. 

Relieved because maybe now he could get a full night’s sleep without dreaming of the other male, maybe now he could breathe easily, and play volleyball without thinking of Kuroo  as something more than the captain of a rival team. 

Relieved because he knew that he could get over Tetsuro Kuroo without any false hope coming into his heart. 

\----

Tsukishima was crying right in front of him, but he still couldn't find the words that would fix all of this. 

He knew that he had to, there wasn't anything else that he wanted more. He wanted to fix Tsukishima’s broken heart, wanted to fix his own. 

But he had heard the pain in Tsukishima's voice, heard it in his words, and he realized that there was no way to fix it. 

“Are you going to say anything?” Tsukishima asked, his voice smaller than it had ever been. “Kuroo, please say something.” 

It wasn't like Tsukishima to beg like that and if that didn’t make his heart beat painfully in his chest, he didn’t know what would. 

“I-,” he breathed in deeply, “I don't know what to tell you.” 

He could feel his mouth moving, could feel the words leaving his throat, but he didn’t hear them as he said them. 

“I didn’t know you felt that way about me, Tsukishima,” He chuckled. “If I had know, maybe things would've worked out differently.” 

_ Fight for him.  _

“I don’t know if this will mean anything to you now. But I have to say it. I have to say everything, because I should've given this” -he waved his hand between them- “a shot. I should've told you Tsukishima, instead of making vague references to you.” 

Kuroo closed his eyes tight so he wouldn't have to look Tsukishima in the eyes. 

“I’ve loved you since I first laid eyes on you. I might not of known it then, but god I do now. And I’ve been a really shitty person to not tell you that. I should've just came out to you that night and told you the truth. If I had done that maybe we wouldn't be in this mess, and I wouldn't of hurt you so bad. 

“Tsukki, I’m sorry. I still love you. I’ll love you for a long time, even if you don’t want me to, or you stop loving me.”

The gym was still filled with the noise from the teams warming up, but no one made any real noise so they wouldn't disturb the two standing off to the side. 

He took in another deep breath, words that Kenma, Daichi and even Kageyama running through his head. He couldn't waste any more time. 

“Tsukishima Kei, I’m in love with you.” 

There wasn't a reply to his confession for a minute.

“Shit,” Tsukishima managed to choke out, “Why the fuck didn’t you say any of that before all of this happened, dumbass?”

His words were back to the way that it had been before everything had happened, but they sounded warmer somehow, more at easy and full of something that Kuroo had been waiting to hear.  

He opened his eyes and took in the sight of the blonde first year, and felt his heart beat wildly in his chest. 

Those pale cheeks had a rosy tint to them, and Tsukishima was adjusting his glasses in an attempt to take the focus away from the blush. 

But it made Kuroo’s heart race even faster. 

From where he was standing, he could see the light returning to Tsukishima’s golden eyes. And a smile crossed his face. 

And Kuroo felt one cross his face too. 

Because Tsukishima Kei was beautiful when he smiled. 

\----

Tsukishima stood inside of the locker room, his gym clothes in his bag, his fingers tightening around the strap that crossed his chest. He could feel his cheeks get warm with the thought of Kuroo waiting for him down the stairs, waiting to take him somewhere in the small town and then take him home. 

Kuroo was going to spend the night. He was going to spend the night because they still needed to talk about this, about them, about everything. 

But Tsukishima wanted to go out on a date with the older boy first, and if that meant that Kuroo was going to spend the night and sleep on his floor on the extra futon that Yamaguchi always used, then it was worth it. 

Because after they talked and figured everything out, Kuroo would have to go back home, would have to return to his town, to his school, to his team. 

“Everything will work out, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said from behind him. “Just give it your best shot.” 

Tsukishima rolled his eyes. 

“What else would I do?” 

\----

When Kuroo walked into the bedroom, his hair still damp from the shower, Tsukishima’s pajamas replacing the clothes that he had arrived in, he wasn't surprised to see that Tsukishima had already put a futon out for him to sleep on. The only way Kuroo knew that Tsukishima was even in the room was by seeing the blonde tufts of hair not hidden by the blanket on the bed. 

He smiled, the way the conversation had gone down earlier warming his heart. 

_ “I want to try this,” Tsukishima said, his eyes never leaving Kuroo’s hands which were wrapped around his own. “I want to try being with you becuase I don’t want to be stuck feeling like this.”  _

_ Kuroo had nodded, nodded slowly.  _

_ “Okay, okay. Let's do it,” he said, his words quiet and only meant for Tsukishima. “I love you.”  _

_ Tsukishima had looked at him, his golden eyes wide, a small stream of tears running down his face. Kuroo assumed that they weren't ones that happened because he was in pain.  _

_ “I love you too.”  _

\---

Kei felt arms wrap around him, long, strong arms that he had spent months dreaming about, and then heard Kuroo chuckle, the air from it hitting the back of his neck. He shivered, his face growing warm. 

“W-what are you doing?” Kei squeaked out, his heart hammering in his chest. Kuro laughed again. 

“Tsukki, I’m not going to see you for a long time, I want to spend the night holding you,” Kuroo whispered. 

“But we-I- get out of my bed,” Tsukishima said, wriggling slightly. 

“Kei,” Kuroo said, his voice softer again, and Tsukishima heard how serious the other was being, “please, just, let's sleep like this. Please. I’ve dreamt about this for months now. I just need it before I go home tomorrow.” 

Tsukishima sucked in a breath. 

_ I really love him god, please let this work.  _

He pulled away from Kuroo, a small “why” followed by an “oh” when he turned to face Kuroo, wrapping his own arms around the other boy.

“I would rather sleep like this. I’ve wanted to sleep like this for months,” Kei said, looking at the captain. 

“Kei,” Kuroo wailed, and Tsukishima buried his face into his neck. 

“Shutup or I’ll kick you out of my bed.” 

“I love you.” 

“Love you too.” 

And Tsukishima wriggled closer to the older boy, and Kuroo wrapped his arms around Tsukishima tighter, and they fell asleep like that, both of them overjoyed that their first love had been returned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy the end. I'm so happy I actually made it. It took a few months longer than I thought that it would, but I have to say that I am very very happy with the way that it ended. I hope every one who read this, and stuck with me along the way enjoys it. Thanks for reading follow me on tumblr @ miles-into-worry. Kudos and comments and annything else is always appreciated. Until next time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! It would mean a lot if you maybe [dropped me a tip!](https://ko-fi.com/milesofworry)


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